The Scam That Is American Idol

American Idol is like a car wreck that you slow down the car to watch - you just can't help yourself.

 

It kinda sucks since Simon Cowell left.  Steven Tyler and Hennifah Yopez(apologies to wwtdd.com)came in to fill the void.  Everybody sings "beautiful", Tyler looks like a seventy year old pimp, and Lopez squeals in agreement.

This week, the let go of Jermaine Jones because they found out he was wanted on outstanding warrants.

Really?

They couldn't find this out through his social security number?  They took his word for it?

Excuse my skepticism, but this is the same contestant that was brought in as a wild card without even having to go through the wild card process.  Seems a little too coincidental for me.  I always get a kick out of Nigel Lythgoe(executive producer) though - what that dude spends on plastic surgery and botox could probably support a third world nation.

Ahhhh.....whatever.  Ratings are dropping, Seacrest is acting goofier than ever, maybe it's time to bring back that Dunkleman guy from Season 1.

Or do a reality show crossover with another show - like Swamp People.  Maybe one of those crocodile hunters could trap Lopez.  Damn if that skin of hers ain't looking a little dry and scaly....

The White Ghosts Come Back Every March......

Really?

We're still talking about the seal hunt?  Or rather, the same, usual suspects are talking about it?

I can remember debates on the seal hunt over 30 years ago, and it's still going on today.  Of course, fundraising was the main motivator then and still is now.  Personally, I just start to hear "The Circle of Life" start to thump through my head whenever talk of the seal hunt comes to mind.  That, and I start searching for that really funny liquid plumber ad.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7fz0jpuLkM

Funny ad, but I'd never use that caustic garbage to unclog my drain.  And I'd never give money to opportunistic "environmentalists" who use a hot button issue mainly for fundraising opportunities.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_gTBDFTXE0

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

It's Not THAT Funny

What is the deal with the overuse of LOL on chat rooms, comments, forum boards and other places unfunny people gather to laugh out loud at themselves?

I consistently see moronic posts with that annoying abbreviation.  Things like, "Oh, I just stepped out to feed the dog and missed out, LOL" or "I just made a cup of coffee and it tastes bad, LOL".   What the Hell is so funny about that?  Would you REALLY laugh out loud at that?  Or is it some nervous verbal filler you feel you have to end your sentences with.  Like those annoying guys who think they can be funny overusing ellipses in a blog post...............

But really, shouldn't we behave online as we do within human interaction?  Shouldn't we use actual words rather than "wnt 2 c the dr." or "R u goin 2mrrw?" or some other ilk?  Why can't you walk on the same side of the sidewalk as the road that you drive on?

The Internet has made people lazy, misspelling misanthropes who feel the need to laugh out loud at their run of the mill life observations.  That is, when they're not asking you to "send them the link" rather than taking five seconds and using Google.  The overuse of LOL and other chat crutches makes me want to go find that fat kid from high school.  You know, the one that always started a joke with, "Oh, you gotta hear this, it's SO FUNNY!!", and it wasn't.

Telling someone something is funny before it's proven is just bad comedic form.  That shit will get you killed at a real comedy club.  Well, at the very least, called a hack and heckled out the front door never to return again.  Then again, beat up and locked in the trunk of a car would be a better lesson in how not to pull that "OMG, this story is FUN-NEE" line ever again.

He wasn't funny and neither are you.  He just got fatter and lazier, and puts LOL in front of everything.  He probably just asked his wife for sex and she held up a sign with "LOL" on it.  Now, that shit IS funny.  But then again, she married him - she must have a sense of humor in the first place.

A Love Letter To KTLA

It's Valentine's Day, and therefore the best day for an ode to my fave morning news program.

With me watching on the East Coast of Canada, KTLA is just getting going when most people are gone to work.  You gotta love the fact that they're on the air reading news at 4AM Los Angeles time.  That equates to 8AM my time, and I'll tell ya, it's a lot more entertaining than the other choices.

I'm always amazed at how the Ladies of KTLA are so casual compared to even the local news females.  The local girls are so boring and stiff - even the national ones from CBC/CTV/Global are trying too hard.  Then you've got the likes of Megan Henderson and Jessica Holmes on KTLA - you would think they'd be so stiff and serious but they're the complete opposite.  Heck, Holmes has this gangly/goofy thing that she does sometimes that makes her just about the hottest, sweetest thing in the world.

Just give me a moment to catch my breath.

And Megan Henderson seems constantly amused at the whole situation, yet, like Holmes, she can be casual or professional as the situation call for.  Unfortunately for them, yet fortunate for the viewer, the weather guys try and trip them up consistently.  Somebody should give Mark Kriski his own show already.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention Sam Rubin.  This guy is one of the few who can self-deprecate in one breath while being complementary in the next.  He both reports and comments on the news at the same time.  A very tough thing to pull off but Rubin consistently gives the goods.

I don't know what the Hell they'e doing on the Today show these days, but it's really fake and boring.  Go on over to CBS and the best they could do was dig up Charlie Rose and Oprah's friend Gayle.  Charlie's a great cure for insomnia and Gayle doesn't interview so much as act like an enamored fan.  Blech.

And the Canadian national shows are stiff and boring as well.  Even Breakfast Television, which used to be "hip" tv is some yammery chick and some fat guy with a suspenders fetish.

Nope, give me my KTLA - where the palm trees sway in February as the snow falls outside my window.  Where producers do funny dances and the camera follows them.  Where technicians will screw up your weather shot as payback for that remark Henry DiCarlo made about them.  Sometimes the whole thing looks like some crazy community cable channel that was allowed to run amok.  Sometimes you just gotta giggle and commend them for putting on television at 4 in the morning.

And have I mentioned Jessica Holmes?  (Umm...yeah.....you did already)  Well, dammit, I'm not finished.  As I said before, she's got this goofy/gangly thing going on that was hilarious a few years ago when she did some segments from New York with Martha Stewart.  Holmes screwed up during some demo with Martha, causing the passive aggressive remark "oh dear" from Martha Stewat.

It was some great television - I don't know if there's any video around, try and find some if you can.  I immediately thought that Holmes could pull off the goofy girl schtick that Allie MacKay currently does.  Then again, it would have to be a little more sharp/sitcom-like stuff, rather than the slightly grating/repetitive loop that MacKay finds herself in some days.

Bottom line, I'm a big fan.  I have whiled away many non-work day mornings with the KTLA gang, and I hope they continue to burn as hot as that California sun.

Guilty Pleasure Forever(In Time)

Rest In Peace Whitney Houston.

It's unfortunate, but she joins a long list of entertainers gone too soon.  Her passing also has me thinking back to the time period where she was at her peak.

Almost the end of November, 1992, Houston's film The Bodyguard is released.  I go see it with my girlfriend at the time, and find it surprisingly watchable.  A film WITH music rather than a musical.  Sure, the Costner stuff is over the top / Swayze in Roadhouse type cheese, but damn if it doesn't work.

Lawrence Kasdan's last big directorial hit, which looked at first glance like a movie he was slumming in.  I mean, this is the guy who wrote The Big Chill, Empire Strikes Back, Body Heat, etc. for God's sake!  And Costner was at his height after Dances With Wolves.  It shouldn't have worked, but it did.  Something for the men, something for the ladies, action, music, romance, and the African American audience appeal as well.  The thing was a hit to the tune of over 400 million dollars.  Awesome box office today, let alone almost twenty years ago.

The soundtrack was a smash.  I'm sure Dolly Parton loved the royalties off her previous country hit.  And it was everybody's last hurrah for a while.  Kasdan and Costner haven't seen numbers like that since.  Houston had some nice turns after, but this thing was the top for a while.  I don't know if a sequel was ever mentioned down the road with the same cast, but even half the box office of the original would have worked.

Basically, The Bodyguard SHOULDN'T have worked, but it did.  Certainly a guilty pleasure flick, but guilty pleasure is better than no pleasure at all.  I can't put my finger on something since with the same jumble of elements - but it certainly has broad appeal.  It's certainly watchable almost twenty years later.  And the soundtrack is certainly not dated either.

Sure Houston had her demons, don't we all.  But at least there's something captured that's still relevant years later, and years to come.  Swayze's Roadhouse comes on every once in a while, and I catch myself watching each time.  Legends of the Fall is another one of those stay-on-the-sofa-till-it's-over cable flicks

I'll be damned if The Bodyguard doesn't start showing up and joining the rest in Guilty Pleasure Heaven.

What Makes A Song A (Potential) Classic?

Well, first of all, it's gotta be hauntingly sentimental, yet structurally sound.  I think one song that kills on a structure basis is Bryan Adams' Run To You.  I just love that guitar riff/bridge before the big finish at the end.  Awesome transition.

It sometimes helps if the video was awesome.  Run To You did have an awesome 80's video which adds to the memories.  But Don Henley's Boys Of Summer has perhaps the best video bookend to an awesome song - I don't know of any other song/video matched so perfectly.

Timeless is good, but being open to other interpretations helps as well.  There have been remix/dance/punk versions of Henley's tune that have worked really well.  And someone redid Adams' tune on a slower scale which was happenin' as well.  Then there are some current songs on the pop playlist today that someone throws a dance track behind them and calls it a dance song.  Instead, it just makes the low points of the song more obvious.

I mention this topic today, because of a recent song I've seen that could potentially be one for the memories.  And before you roll your eyes, take a look at the facts.

Katy Perry's The One That Got Away is notable for the fact that the video is an actual attempt to tell a story - something lacking in modern music videos.  Heck, I remember the old days of music video shows when the video was integral to marketing the song - you HAD to have a great video.  Alas, with the iTunes and iPods, the video seems to be lacking.  Perry took the time to do something special with this song.

Here's the Youtube link to the official video:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ahha3Cqe_fk&ob=av2e

I'm embarrassed to admit that I've had this song stuck in my head one time this past month.  It is ridiculously poppy and syrupy, yet Perry is so darn earnest that the tone changes with the structure of the song.  And before you dismiss it as a non-starter, be aware that she did a country version on the UK X-Factor show back in October 2011.  I don't know if this is an official release, but damn if it doesn't work really well on its own for a different type of listener.  The Youtube link is here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdMWB2O7lSI

Really interesting stuff.  Can it be a classic, or is it just a flash in the pan.  I guess only time will tell.

My Buddy Dave

This is my buddy Dave.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0565774/

Dave's an actor who's been on such milestone British shows as Emmerdale and Coronation Street.  He lived in Canada for a while and then moved back to the U.K.  He still finds time here and there to Skype with me which is awesome.

I met Dave over twenty years ago.  I remember having sub-par fries with him outside on a cold February evening.  I was freezing in a winter jacket - he was jovially comfortable in a jean jacket.  I knew he was cool then and there.

Dave is a funny guy.  I just mention his name to my Mom and she laughs.  A picture is twice the laughs.  If she sees him in person, death from a stroke could be imminent.

I haven't seen Dave since he went back to the U.K. around five years ago, but he's doing all right for himself.  He's in a zombie movie this year - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2091455/.

I don't think it gets any cooler than that.  Dave told me he has the first and last lines in the movie.  I don't think most guys have the first and last lines in a relationship, let alone a zombie movie.  But that Dave is just too cool for school.  In a jean jacket.  In New Brunswick.  In February.  All those years ago.

One day my Mom asked me what was new.  I told her I put some stuff out into the compost bin, and that Dave was in a zombie movie in 2012.  She immediately broke into hysterical laughter.

I don't know if it was because of Dave, or the compost bin.....