Two Movies On The Weekend

This past weekend I took in two flicks.  I find the method of stacking movies every couple of weeks or so is more convenient than doing a weekly thing.  That, and it's too damn wintry out to do it every week.

Underworld:  Awakening was another installment drenched in blue filter.  I must admit, I was a sucker for the first one, didn't mind the second, had to see the third, and went to the fourth 'cause I'm a damn completist.

Beckinsale can still fill out a catsuit, but she's looking a little more drawn than the first time she wore the black leather almost ten years ago.  Storyline wasn't that intriguing, and the effects weren't that much better than previous efforts.  The saving grace was the 3D viewing which made things more funky.

Chronicle was a cheap-looking, annoying little piece of video camera schlock which had me yawning 10 minutes in.  The ad-libbed characters were so bad that you felt no empathy for them whether they lived or died.  And empathy is a handy thing if you want your audience to get fully immersed in the movie.

As the young kids would say, Chronicle "sucked", "blew", or other modern variations thereof.  Then again, the little weasels were probably texting like mad and trying to get to get to third base with whatever high school skank they brought.

Unfortunately for me, I had no such thing to color my enjoyment of the night.

Siggggghhhhhhhh.......

Crashed Crustacean

Out to the Sobeys grocery store today for some stuff and got a big surprise going by the lobster tank - DEAD LOBSTER.  IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TANK.

The poor dude(or dudette?  I couldn't tell) was literally flat on his/her back, and that flipper was not flipping.  The other lobsters were bunched up on either side of the square tank, leaving the dead one in full view in the center.

I paused in front of the tank, and then moved on, lest I start giggling uncontrollably.  Or throw pieces of dill and celery into the tank.  I thought wistfully for a moment of the perfect life and death lesson that could be utilized from this event.  But I had no offspring to educate in front of the tank.  And I'm assuming the fish person couldn't care less because even my long pause didn't elicit a response.

Had there been a showdown, a throwdown, it's gonna go....down....in the tank?  UFC NIGHT gone horribly wrong?  The jonah crab in the tank beside it looked like they knew who did it but weren't telling.  The display fish in the frozen section nearby merely stared blankly ahead.

I pushed on(the cart) and slowly walked away.

That damn "Circle of Life" song from The Lion King is now stuck in my head.  Thanks a lot dead lobster.

Your Groundhog's Roadkill...........Probably..........

So Oromocto, New Brunswick got themselves a groundhog last year - had a naming contest and everything.  Oromocto Ollie.  Why not Gordon the Groundhog?  Or Genesta?  Or Graham Wafer?

But, the thing is, it was never truly their groundhog.

I mean, everybody else's groundhog is essentially a caged pet - their weather casting servant of sorts.  They haul the hog out of its house and pretend to listen to it's weather forecast.  Oromocto's vermin was wild and in an outdoor burrow of its own.  It was reluctant to come out last year and this year the program is done.

Although, according to news reports, they say the groundhog is still in the burrow.  And it's a female groundhog. No wonder there was the problem.  Probably knows it's a female groundhog's right to change her mind.

The key is the caged groundhog that "lives" forever - like the old Phantom(Ghost Who Walks) character from the thirties.  I mean, c'mon, the original Wiarton Willie Wodent is long gone.  I'm assuming he was well taken care of and was dragged willingly from his provided burrow each February 2nd.

Either that, or some Laurence-Olivier-in-Marathon-Man-type came in and gave him the old "Is it safe?" routine.

Get with it, Oromocto, and realize that you gotta control your weather forecaster.  Then you control the weather.  Otherwise, you're roadkill on the lonely cold highways of New Brunswick.

The Restaurant on the Edge of Nowhere..........

So I'm driving along and I see this sign in a vacant lot just past a motel(or just before, depending on what direction you're travelling)

PUNJAB SPICES
INDIAN RESTAURANT

Really?  It's an "Indian Restaurant"?  Whoa.  I'm surprised.

I see "Punjab Spices" and immediately think fried chicken and waffles, but I may be a minority.....

Anyway, a description under a title is always appreciated, and perhaps "fried chicken and waffles" wouldn't fit in such a small space.

So I follow the arrow and I just see more of a vacant lot.  Maybe not so much ABOUT your restaurant on the sign but rather its LOCATION would be a good idea.

Keep the camera pan going and we're at the edge of the lot.  Beyond it lies the ocean.  Maybe Punjab Spices got washed away.  Or maybe its in India and you gotta hit the ocean.  It's only 7000 miles,. give or take a few.

I dunno, it's cold and windy and Rotten Ronnies has a two can dine thingy on right now.

And the award for most sensitive drug store goes to........

My local Pharmasave drug store is a veritable force of retail innovation.

Not content to sit around, they sent their crack marketing team to the back room in order to push out some surplus stuff....

Awesome.

I don't need any, but the crudely drawn, italicized "Blow-out" makes me want to buy some just for the awkward check out chat with the cashier.  The incorrectly spelled "incontinence" is the icing on the cake - a nod to the non-spell check generation.  Note the large size of the "I" and "n" until the writer realized they were gonna run out of room, thereby shrinking the script.  And changing the spelling.  Or is it "speeling" if I'm running out of room?

I thought of lingering around the store to see if I could spy some lucky customer falling prey to this exceptional merchandise offer.  Maybe it would go something like this:

(elderly female senior, low whispery voice)  "Ah, pardon me, young man, but, um, could you direct me to the, um, you know, adult....pads, you know...."

(store employee, slightly booming sales voice)  "You mean, the INCONTINENCE pads?  We've got a "BLOW-OUT" sale on them RIGHT NOW!!!"(points excitedly at the overhead sign)

As I was waiting for something like this to transpire, I lurked around the store and came across some more retail gold.....

I think I'll pass on the muffins.  Maybe a cookie.....?

Nope, thanks.

I'm just gonna run out the door.  It sounds like I'm dry heaving as I try to suppress the laughter......